Life In Pink.

It’s been kind of a weird month. Not necessarily bad, but different. Strange.

God has tested and pressed and spoken to me in ways I could not have imagined, dared, or dreamed. A friend of mine has gone through a pretty tough situation in his personal life; through him, God has shown me an example of true love and forgiveness that astonishes me and takes away my word-making abilities.

I got to see my brother in Boston (very) briefly, and that was a long, however lovely day. I haven’t seen him since December, and he’s so much taller! He’s now pushing 6’1, leaving my 5’3 down here in the dust, almost a foot away. I love that my brother and I like each other. (mostly)

If A turns into B, and C happens, D will be my next great adventure- involving moving closer to Manhattan again, which would mean even further changes. I’ve been praying about leading a community group at church, and with a new season and new location, I might finally focus on that novel/memoir/nonprofit I’ve been daydreaming about. I know the first step towards getting anything done is just to do it, but I haven’t had a lot of mental or emotional energy to spare as of late.

That’s pretty much where I’m at. Haven’t slept much this month, sometimes I get frustrated with my situation and my location and job, then I walk past a restaurant playing Edith Piaf's La Vie En Rose, harmonized by murmurs and the gentle clinks of wineglasses. I breathe in, and remember there is so much more ahead that the here and now.

 I can look back on this year and clearly see how I've grown. I’m grateful for that progress, even though I didn’t always like the process. Today, I’m looking forward, into this new season, eyes on the ground*, head in the clouds, nose in a book, heart chillin with God, ready for whatever comes next.

Dear August: Wow me.

P.S. IF you want to read some more of my stuff, check out Graceland. I’m doing a super fun series called Dirty Laundry.

*That’s what we do here. Eyes on the ground, and if anything happens on the (subway) train, IGNORE IT.

Summer is hot.

I spend my days in a refrigerated Starbucks, or in front of a fan. I have a slight obsession with Blood Orange sorbet, and Brussels cookies from Pepperidge Farms. In the heat, the chocolate melts and gets all over my fingertips. I have daydreams of going vegan while eating goat cheese and crackers.

I sometimes get tired of feeling like I'm in an uphill battle in my life, and so I sit in front of a fan and watch an entire season of Best Ink on Oxygen because, "Hey, day off!" and "Hey, cable!" and "Hey, marathon!" I don't even really like tattoos, but now I kind of want one.

I believe in vacations. I believe in cold brewed iced coffees, and staying in your pajamas all day. I believe in staying up late, and bubble baths, I believe in sunshine, and sunsets, I believe in glittery nail polish, and I believe in deep rest.

So how was your Thursday?

Open Hands

Summer has set in up here in New York. Lines at Starbucks stretch out the door, and recent 90 degree temperatures threaten sanity.

While equally hot, my life a year ago was so different. I'm now in a place of stability and security, where a year ago, it sometimes felt like I was barely hanging on. I live in a tiny town just outside the city, with three babysitting jobs and as many hours as I want at Starbucks. I am connected closely with my church, and my friendships have matured... Namely, we're all counting the days until I'm 21, and can go to karaoke night at this super cool Dr. Who themed bar.

I'm learning to keep my eyes open to possibility, and being flexible enough to be obedient to God, even if I don't see the point.

Something that has been echoing in my mind lately, (and following me wherever I go) is that God trusts us with greater and greater things, but that we should never scoff at the small.

At this moment in time, my plan to go to Australia stands as a question of obedience. When I was handed something that seemed impossible, would I balk at the challenge, believing God not capable, or would I trust in what I heard, and believe that God would never let me fall?

I definitely learned quite a bit about myself, not limited to the awareness that I care too much about what others think of me. Guess what? I'm not in Australia right now. Guess what? I'm perfectly fine. In fact, opportunity has opened like a flower in front of me. I am protected, and I am surrounded by intention.

God is good.

In my shoes.

I love that the internet makes it possible to dream. Not only daydream, but the ability to step into someone’s shoes, and walk a mile in their worn soles. I love that with only a few clicks, I can live in Paris. I love that through pictures, I can be at a meeting in a pub in England, catching up with long lost friends. I love that the internet has changed our human experience that we might live our lives with a little more grace, a little more color, and a little more creativity.

Words are warm at my fingertips. They flow from my fingers like paint, giving me a medium by which I might paint you a picture.

Once upon a time, I visited New York. I was there helping a friend, however I was essentially alone- free to roam in the {not yet *my*} beautiful city. I’d only been once before, and that was for a measly 20 or something hours. This time, I had a week.
 Quite frequently I see large groups of people wandering around Canal street, and I feel depressed for them. Yes, they are in New York, but they are not IN New York. They are not experiencing New York like a breath, they are looking at New York like a movie.

The song “Eleanor Put Your Boots On” grabs on to what is my New York and turns it into an auditory film reel. Press play, and watch read.



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The screen is black, then there is light. There is dust on the first few blurry bits of film. The scene comes into focus, and you see a girl, riding on a train. She is reading a small paperback book, and warm yellow sunlight is streaming through windows of the subway car. The train rattles and shakes over it’s tracks, dipping though Brooklyn, finally coming to a rest at Mermaid Avenue. The sky is clear blue, and the wind is crisp. Water is near.

Old roller coasters sit in the lot nearby like dusty shells, praying for spring to arrive, and life to begin again. Nathan’s Hot Dogs is closed for the season, bright yellow paint threatening to peel



The girl walks on the boardwalk, and sits on a bench, looking at the blue water, feeling small.





                            fade to black.







The girl is walking down shady sidewalks, praying that the rose-colored buildings would be real, and not just a figment of this beautiful daydream.










The girl is on a boat, giving her hopes and dreams to one person, pinning everything to that one moment. Later she will laugh and roll her eyes, but at that moment, she is physically present and she is nowhere to be found.








 The girl is sitting in a park, a cool breeze swirling around the block, Though it is dark, lights are everywhere; though her metal table all but disappears in the night. She looks over to see a fountain, illuminated and glowing. It’s so happy and sad and etherial all at once, she is silent.  Mind and soul take a collective inhale.

She has yet to land.