Saturday, November 30, 2013


 There's glitter in the air.

For the first time in a long time, it feels like the holiday season is a gift we are longing to receive; we are preparing for it with anticipation like one anticipates chocolate. It will be rich and satisfying. This of course could be my own impression, based off of the fact that my Christmases over the past few years have been marked by a kind of melancholy... But I don't think so.

This Christmas is different. 

There was the Christmas that was My Last Christmas At Home. There was My First Christmas In College. Last year was The Christmas Where I Wasn't At Home and I Wasn't Where I Wanted To Be, with a Job That I Hated.

This Christmas is different.

Life is different. For the first time, ever (gulp) I won’t be in North Carolina for the holidays. I will be tucked away in New York, FaceTiming and texting my family while I battle consumerism and celebrate with family up here.

I’ve been transitioning into a stable life in the city, one day at a time. I’ve been paying rent and utilities, I’ve been doing laundry, and getting to work on time, taking advantage of my health insurance... This is an adulthood that I haven’t really experienced before. So much of my time in the past has been spent barely making it, barely surviving. I did make it, and it wasn’t easy, and I am grateful for the lessons that I learned, many of them the hard way.

I can say with confidence that 2013 has been the year of blessing.

I would also say that 2013 has been the most challenging year of my life.

I made three big moves, changed jobs, watched plans fail, I watched promises come true, and there were words spoken over my life that humble me and astound me and bring me to my knees in awe and terror. Friendships that I thought were all but gone have been restored, fighting stronger than ever. New friendships have formed that are fierce and vulnerable, and breathing. I turned 21,
I changed roles at church, I ended toxic relationships, and before the year is up, I'm going to get a tattoo to commemorate it all.

There is so much in store. There are so many futures that are ahead. There promises that I don’t believe I will see for years, but there is healing and hope, and a promise that there are days ahead where some of my far off dreams will become present realities.

This has been the year of dreams.

I pray that I never stop dreaming.