Joyeux Noel!

It was a day of planes, trains and automobiles, but I made it! 700 miles of travel, and I’m home for Christmas. Born with a penchant for the dramatic, I had to fly in on Christmas Eve- my life is a movie, and that’s what you do, right? Regardless, I am home, typing away in my childhood bedroom, simultaneously loving and dreading it at the same time. I get homesick when I’m here; I think that my heart knows that I can never really “live” here again, and therefore homesick is more like a sad, childhood nostalgia. At the same time, I’m glad that I have a home to come back to, both physically and emotionally. Hug your family, smile, take a deep breath. Have a happy holiday.

LiveBlog! Hurricane Sandy.

7:15 pm, 10/29 My life is pretty much shut down for the next few days, but I’m okay, and still have power (and internet!) so I’m not doing badly. Time to watch some musicals, and call my friends in less damp places. Stay warm, and dry, everyone! Be safe!

7:24 pm, 10/29 The building that collapsed on 14th and 8th is 19 miles away. I'm good.

7:35 pm, 10/29  

7:48 pm, 10/29 Hurricane anthem!

9:50 pm, 10/29 Watching Yentl and knitting. As one does.

11:19 pm, 10/29 Finished Yentl, talked with mom on the phone... Something she mentioned was how cold it is in North Carolina; it's actually in the 60's here, so power outages would be inconvenient, although it's not as though we're in a blizzard. Staying warm isn't as much of an issue, thank goodness. Most of Manhattan is out of power, but everyone I keep hearing from is doing fine, even those without power, throughout Brooklyn, SI, the Bronx and Queens. The real problem is that the power went out at NYU's hospital, and their backup generators are down as well. Keep them in your prayers. Wind and rain have mostly died down here, and supposedly it's quieted down on the Upper East Side as well.

5:30 am, 10/30 The problem with this hurricane is that it's letting me be nocturnal, which I love. Yesterday I slept in until the afternoon, (had been up until 4am) and I have the next few days off from work. PLUS, (Sandy Bonus!) All public transportation has been shut down, so I'm not going anywhere. Therefore, I can pretty much be nocturnal until Thursday. It's going to be an icky habit to get out of later, but hey. I'm having fun while I can!

Coming at you LIVE- from... Well...

Guess who has two thumbs and will be in North Carolina in about 12 hours? This gal! ;) I'm heading back to see my family for a few days... Going to the beach, and enjoying the mountains, before I hike back up to this crazy city, write three books, and move around the world in February.

Yep. February.

I'm [planning on] moving to Sydney in February instead of July, in order to help plant a church with my pastors here in New York. I'm really excited, and will never say no to travel.

I've lived in New York for a year, now. Every day, the skyscrapers still make me smile, and I know that I'm a city girl at heart. The journey from North Carolina to New York (and the stops along the way) sometimes feels like it took forever, and yet I can remember sitting on my bed at home, looking out my window at the trees and my bags, packed on the floor, desperately wanting to cancel the whole thing. Call school, tell them I'm not coming after all, give my scholarship money to someone else.

But I didn't. I leaped, not sure how my landing would be, and I'm better for it. I'm sure that I will have the same feelings next year when I move even farther away than New York, but I'm going to cross that ocean when I come to it. Literally. For now, it's just me on my computer, typing away, drinking too much caffeine, and daydreaming.

Gotta go pack.

Later!

Seasons of love.

Last season, my life was a bit different. I had everything that I needed, and more; my reliance on God was for my emotional stability, and direction towards the future.






 It’s funny how we take so much for granted. 

I’m in a phase in my life right now where my reliance on God has become pretty... overwhelming. My reliance has gone from the emotional, to the emotional and the physical, and I am gently reminded that I only like to pretend that I have everything together. As my mom put it, “God works things out in the nick of time- not necessarily when we want, but definitely when we need.”

Faith in action is believing that God will provide for you, say- something like an apartment, and trusting that you will have a place to sleep at night. This doesn’t mean that freak-outs won’t happen, (you ARE human, after all) but in that last hour, right as your heart is beating and you’re unsure that something will work out, and you can only be on the floor in front of God, giving up all control, he flips the switch and there’s an apartment available TODAY, 10 blocks from where you’re currently crashing, and- yeah, God is good.

Faith is knowing that God is good even when things look hopeless. God did not provide for me because I said my prayers the right way or because I didn't curse or I paid my tithe on time- God provided for me because he loves me. That’s how I believe this thing works... God created the world out of love, and yeah- I don’t have the answers to why bad things happen to good people, or why there is hunger and poverty in the world, but I know that it’s my duty to help if I can, and sometimes even if I can’t. Because that’s what Jesus would do, and he was a pretty good guy.

I live in a chaotic world, interwoven with grace, and am constantly reminded that God is good, even when it doesn't look that way.


I am loved.

A postcard.

It's been a crazy couple of months. I moved from my convenient, midtown apartment onto a couch in Queens, which was 75 minutes away from my job. So when my boss asked me to work at 5, my alarm was set for a lovely 3am. I learned to nap on the train, so it all worked out in the end.

Currently, I'm subletting from a friend in Manhattan (I love Manhattan. A BUNCH.) so it's been lovely to be back, and only 19 minutes away from work! I'm enjoying having time to just explore the city, and hang out with friends... Movies in Bryant Park, book festivals, late night dinners, watching the Tony's from the TKTS steps in Time's Square, reading much and laughing often. Summer in New York has quickly become one of my favorite things, even though it's hot and humid outside.

I'm looking forward to this upcoming year, which will be my first as a "grown up," being that I don't have school. Cannot wait.

Sorry this post isn't nearly as eloquent as those before, but I figured you all were more than due an update.

Much love from Manhattan. :)

Molls

P.S. I also got bangs.

Standing on the top of the world.

My life is currently a big ball of uncomfortable. I hate saying goodbye to people, and this weekend has had an abundance of goodbyes. I’m saying goodbye to friends from school, and I’m leaping without much assurance that I’ll land on my feet. I’ve got a place to crash right now, but I’m still needing to find some longer term housing. I’m saying goodbye to my roommates soon, and even though she just arrived to help me move/pack, I’ll be saying goodbye to my mom on Monday. I'd be very happy to keep her with me forever, thank you.

There are moments where all I want to do is go back to being a kid and not having to think about things like rent and bills and jobs.

I said goodbye to the ESB tonight in the best way that I know how- by venturing from her dungeons to the top observation deck. It was breathtaking, and I got to experience it with one of my favorite people {mom}. This doesn’t have much of a point, except to share EACH step of my journey.

Here I am, breathing, taking this whole thing one step at a time.

English is a funny little language.

I watched the sunrise this morning.
I say this with some laughter, because the sun didn’t really rise, per say... The best description I can think of is that the sky became a little less grey, and a little more blue. The clouds continued to drizzle, and I continued to stand there with a pink blanket around my shoulders until I figured that it couldn’t get any bluer outside, and decided to return to my 8th floor lair.

I was reminded of something quite important that my pastor talked about last night in church.

God never fails.

This is a truth that is fundamental to our entire belief system as Christians, and yet sometimes it’s difficult to see. We all find ourselves standing in a dark place, and even the strongest of us, those reliant on the belief that God does NOT fail, are left asking, “God, have you failed me?”

I stood on the roof this morning. All by myself, me and my God. I was waiting for his sun to rise. And you know what? I didn’t see it. But does that mean that the sun didn’t rise? Of course not.
The fact that I could see anything at all was evidence that the sun was there. Not only did I believe that the sun had risen, I KNEW that it had. I know that each sunrise represents a new day. I know that without sunlight, even in the slightest form, I would have all consuming darkness.
I did not stand in darkness and drizzle this morning. I stood in rain, and I stood in light. It didn’t look like a post card, and to some people, it probably looked like I was standing in the pit of hell. But God was there, and even when I couldn’t see it clearly, or hardly at all, the evidence was clear:

God never fails. His sun has risen. His son has risen.

Little did I know, this was just the beginning.

Coming to The King's College was a big step for me. I moved 730 miles away from my family and friends, to the middle of New York City, knowing no one.  I knew that God had called me here, and that because He wanted me to be here, He would make it happen. Finances, flights, everything. I had peace about my decision, and was willing to follow God's plan, knowing that he would give me a life that would not be disappointing. A life of abundance, and a world of joy.

This year at King's has challenged me, and through challenges, I've grown. I learned though friendships, I learned about myself, and I worked on coming to a place where God was everything I needed, and that my security is in my God, not in my self, or my city, or my friends. I'm not saying that I'm perfect at this, or that I'm finished learning by any means; I'm just noticing the growth.

I am not returning to The King's College next year.



I'll let that sink in for a moment.



I'm not returning, but I have a very good reason why: God has something even better. Better than New York, better than King's, better book publishing.

I'm going to be a pastor, and the reason that I'm not coming back to King's, is that I am going to work for a year, and (prayerfully!) attend the Hillsong School of Leadership in July of 2013. Hillsong is in Sydney. Sydney is in Australia.

That's right, I'm quitting King's, working for a year, and moving to Australia to become a pastor.

And you know what?


I am so excited.


I am also overcome with peace and confirmation about this, and I hope that you will stand with me. This is a big step, even bigger than my original "atmospheric leap." I am leaving my country behind, to go after the heart of my Jesus, who died and rose again. Much of the world celebrated that today- on Easter. Today was beautiful.

 I honestly believe that this is God's plan for my life, and could not be more excited, which gives me even further confidence that this is God- who knew I'd ever be okay with moving from New York? But Sydney... Sydney! I can't wait!


 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  -Matthew 11:28-30

My life is just beginning. I cannot wait.

Take the world.

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. -Philippians 1:9-11

Thoughts

Walking down the street, I notice stands that advertise, "Tourist Information!" 
For what? I wonder to myself. Oh. For all of this. The Empire State Building. Everything.

Walking home from work, I found myself weaving and dodging between tourists and families, walking when there were no cars, and even walking when there were. The faint smell of the cigarette perched between two fingers of the man in front of me drifts towards my nose, but only for a fleeting moment before a rush of cool wintery air wraps around us.

I saw a bunch of students walking around in circles with drums and flags, sewn with some kind of Asian character symbols, presumably Korean. There is joy on their faces, and they have a pride in their community. They don't draw a huge crowd, but people from every race are standing and watching–enjoying.

Women with fantastic accents and dark nail polish come into work, (Starbucks... Did I mention that?) not to be tourists, but for work... Fashion Week starts on Monday, after all.

As I walk home, carrying relatively heavy groceries, the chill nips at my ears, and the sidewalks are crowded with people. This is a place of happiness and sadness, habits and traditions, saying hello to new friends, or for goodbyes, to your dad, after he snagged a cheap flight and got to come visit you for a few days. Most places you walk, even if your feet are killing you sometimes. Right or left, skyscraper to subway, homeless or housed,

I love New York.

One Little Corner

Happy 2012! I kind of made a resolution to not make resolutions this year. I want to write more, I want to read more, I want to go to yoga class on a regular basis, and enjoy time with my friends. But that's more of a continuation of this whole "new life" thing I started last year.

Today, my day could best be described as sweet. Not surfer dude/70's drug high, "sweeeet, man," but sweet. Like apples that you buy from a farmer's market in Union Square, or that feeling you get as you walk past your favorite place and notice snowflakes dancing in the air.

Sitting in my apartment earlier, I had one of those moments. I started reading a beautiful book just released by one of my favorite authors, and I glanced at the clock- three hours until I go to meet some friends at our diner. Our diner. I'm curled up on my parquet wood floor, bare feet happy to be free from the BizCas shoes I wore today. There is a small pile of clothes sitting next to my bed, but a larger pile of books next to it. Cars drive by under my window, sounding less like cars and more like the white wave noise of the ocean.

In July, I was a miserable wreck. There were unanswered questions in regards to the finances surrounding school, and I didn't want to face another year of my same existence. I'd had 18 years of a beautiful life, but 18 years is really a long time to live somewhere without experiencing something else once in awhile. One of my closest friends was (is!) a funny boy named Hayden, who lives in the far off land of California. He too was tired of his small town, and we shared a mutual fondness for Friends (the tv show,) Hot Tamales (the candy) and The Big Man Upstairs (You know, the God.) He has an eloquent (and newly redesigned!) blog called One Little Corner- the title taken from this song.




Throughout the summer, Hayden was one of the forces who kept me sane. He is one of my dearest friends, as is his fantastic girlfriend. Without God, I wouldn't be here, without my family and friends, I wouldn't be myself, and without Hayd, I wouldn't know that this happiness, this peace, this utterly content feeling would be called a corner. For the time being, in this fragile world, this corner is mine. Thanks, Hayd.